I Spent All Night Finishing A Book Because I'm Trans, And So Was The Book

by alex shenstone

Dedicated to Kacen Callender.

Some of the friends were toxic, the deadname got

screamed in picture frames and the dad was scared.

It was best-friends-to-lovers which I usually don’t

like because it feels like such a straight thing to

happen rather than a pretty gay thing, but in the

end it was actually the right thing for everyone involved.

There were fuck-yous to racism, the patriarchy, and

the frustration of monetary wealth making someone

seem entitled as fuck, when at the end of the day the

gala-gliding parents treated their kid like fucking nothing.

There was a girl who could hack phones with her hands

and hack your fucking heart with her words like the

most powerful gashes of crimson paint.

She was the healthy, strong, embracing platonic hold

that I thought wouldn’t come, but she fucking came

through alongside the gays in love and the abusive

bastards discarded without question, and the clarity

that comes from battling your anxiety, and realising

that sometimes your dad needs time before he can call

you by your true name and that’s actually a good thing.

Someone needing time is not transphobia,

sometimes friends are as fierce as a glitter bomb,

and sometimes when you read two guys kissing

it makes you cry at five o’clock in the morning.

Sometimes, it’s a really good fucking book.

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Alex Shenstone (He/Him) is a transgender, UK-based Creative Writing Masters student. He spends most of his time binge-watching TV shows, and he often gets inspired by the darker aspects of life. His debut poetry collection "Jack of All Tales" is out with Alien Buddha Press, plus he has other work out with Blood & Bourbon, Ghost Orchid Press, Daily Drunk Mag, Dreich and others. He can be found on Twitter at @AlexakaSatan and on Instagram at @_alexakasatan_